Pay Phones

                                                                  Pay Phones
 

 I saw someone using a pay phone this week – and did a double-take. When’s the last time you saw anyone using a pay phone?  I can’t remember.

 Amazing that we forget how things used to be. Remember rotary dial phones, and princess phones, and the first cordless phones; and all along there were pay phones.  And phone banks. And then the first real commercial mobile phones came out in 1983 – they had those thick antennas and were as big as a brick; and all along there were pay phones.  And phone booths.

 Fast forward to now: everybody has a cell phone – right?  Well, obviously not everybody, because this fellow didn’t have one. He was staring at that pay phone and looking around for a quarter he needed to use it. Imagine not having a cell phone, or a quarter to use a pay phone. Think about that.

 We get so caught up in ourselves that we don’t see these kinds of things going on around us; we are so focused on what we’re doing that we can’t see what some people are unable to do; and we take so much of what we have for granted that we can’t imagine somebody not having all that we have. The moral of this story: be aware that there are people who may not have all that we have, and as bad as things might seem, they can always be worse. There are people around us who need a helping hand, an encouraging word, an act of kindness, a word to the wise, or…. a quarter.  Never be too rushed or blind to see those in need, nor too full of yourself or busy to help.

 These thoughts went through my head in the millisecond that I focused on this fellow standing in front of that pay phone. And as that image developed in my mind, I turned and gave him a quarter. Let me tell you this: he was just as incredulous that someone did that as I was to see someone trying to use that pay phone.

My message this week is about acting responsibly:      

"It is easy to dodge our responsibilities, but we cannot dodge the consequences of dodging our responsibilities.”   Josiah Charles Stamp

 Josiah Charles Stamp, 1st Baron Stamp (1880 – 1941), was a British civil servant, industrialist, economist, statistician, writer, and banker. He was a director of the Bank of England, and chairman of the London, Midland and Scottish Railway.
 Did you ever hear “what you sow you shall reap”?  It’s from Galatians VI in the King James Bible, and it’s also what every mother teaches every child. It’s so simple, and yet so important. The things you do impact others, they impact you and your future, and they become part of what others know and say about you.  Like a pebble thrown in a pond, your actions create ripples around you.  Say or do something nice: others feel good and say nice things in return; act rudely or disrespectfully: and others feel and act badly in return.  Give great service: others will appreciate it and remember you; act like you don’t care and others won’t care about you.  You’re responsible for the things you do, and while it’s easy to dodge those responsibilities, you cannot dodge the consequences of dodging your responsibilities – today or ever.

 Stay well!

Out of Sight, Out of Mind

Out of Sight - Out of Mind

This summer I am again taking the train each week from New York City to our home in the Adirondacks. Like most of America’s railroads, the train I take follows tracks that were laid in another era, and thus they run behind and through some areas that were developed after these rail lines were laid. These places now provide some very interesting views and perspectives, ones that are mostly out of sight and out of mind.

Without any sense of the passage of time, these trains run through neighborhoods and behind homes whose backyards were never intended for viewing, and past decaying buildings whose better days have passed, and along waterways that are little used for commerce anymore, and in, out and alongside woods and fields that rarely get visited, and stop at stations built in a different era.  These are views and perspectives that have now mostly become out of sight and out of mind.

There’s one stretch on the trip I take where the woods are filled with trees that were felled by a rare tornado last year. Bridges and roads were also destroyed by that same tornado, but these more visible and necessary things were quickly fixed, allowing life to return to normal, and allowing people to move on and forget. But this patch of woods where the trees are still lying in their destroyed state is a vivid reminder of the kinds of things that happen and, because of what and where they are, then become out of sight and out of mind.  That’s usually not a good thing to let happen.

This patch of woods was destroyed at a time when so many other things were happening: the world was  inundated with news about the continuing devastation from the hurricanes in Haiti and New Orleans, the more recent tsunami in Japan and its nuclear meltdown, pictures on the news of mudslides in India, and so many other important and tragic issues. But these worldwide events, like the trees felled by that tornado, quickly become day-old news that fades, and the people and places and issues associated with those news items quickly become out of sight, and out of mind. 

But not for those places and people who are directly affected and continue to suffer. Because tragedies happen to real people (some of whom we know) and continue to linger, we should try to remember them and do what we can to help, wherever and however we can. Take a moment today to look at the people and places around you that may be still be dealing with things that happened in the past, and which are not yet resolved. And then do whatever you can to make sure they don’t become out of sight and out of mind.

 

My message this week is about doing what’s right:

 

"If we believe a thing to be bad, and if we have a right to prevent it, it is our duty to try to prevent it and damn the consequences." 

-Lord Milner

Alfred Milner, 1st Viscount Milner, (1854 – 1925) was a British statesman and colonial administrator who played an influential leadership role in the formulation of Great Britain’s foreign and domestic policy.

When was the last time you saw something that wasn’t right; and what did you do about it?  We often bump into things that aren’t quite right, and then have an opportunity to do something about them - or not.  Like a scrap of paper on the floor – do you stop and pick it up? Like a person who’s obviously lost or in distress – do you stop and offer assistance? Like an error someone made – do you help them to understand and correct it? Like a sad look in someone’s eyes – do you stop and cheer them up?  Or like a tough situation you and others may be in – do you re-double your efforts and help lead the way?  These and so many other things confront us all the time and the measure of a person is their willingness to stop and do something to prevent or improve them; that’s our duty, and damn the consequences that may result from our involvement and efforts.  Because that’s the right thing to do!

Stay well!

Falling Rock Zone

T

here are areas along the interstate highways where the original road builders had to blast through large rock formations.  And there are signs posted near those areas that say “Falling Rock Zone”.  Think about it: you’re driving along with your parents; you see that sign, and think to yourself that the world certainly is a dangerous place.  And of course, your parents always say not to worry.  But in your mind you think they wouldn’t have posted that notice if nothing was going to happen.  This is one of those dilemmas you face when growing up.

One day I was in the car with my father and uncle and cousin; we were going on the Thruway in New York to see a Yankee’s game in the Bronx.  I was sitting in the middle of the front seat between my Dad and Uncle, looking out the windshield as we drove through one of those don’t-worry, nothing’s-going-to-happen zones when, from up above, I saw, you guessed it, a small rock sailing down towards us.  It hit the windshield and cracked it, and I had all I could do to stop from screaming and jumping into the back seat. 

I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember looking at my Dad, who had assured me nothing bad was going to happen, and wondering what part of “don’t worry” had he meant.  But of course what he really meant was: ‘don’t worry, even if something does happen, we’ll handle it and it will be all right.” We pulled over, made sure nothing more than the little crack in the windshield had occurred, and proceeded onto the game.  Truthfully, I don’t remember that game; but I sure do remember that rock.  And how even though the sight of that rock coming at us scared the daylights out of me, I knew that my Dad would make sure we ended up all right. 

There’s a great deal of comfort to be found in knowing that someone is looking out for you – whether it’s a parent, a friend, a partner, a higher being, a camp counselor, a coach, a mentor, or a boss.  My old boss used to say that managers should think of themselves as a “mommy” or “daddy”, because parents and managers both love unconditionally, are stern when necessary, nurture appropriately, and are always looking out for others’ well-being. So juxtaposing ths falling rock zone story with my boss’ theory of management creates the basis for how we should care for those we care for and care about.  The moral of this story: being prepared is good, but doing what’s right when something happens is better.  So the next time life drops a rock on you, pick yourself up, make sure everything and everyone is ok, and keep going.

My message this week is about professionalism and what it takes to be successful:

“Experts often possess more data than judgment. Colin Powell”
Colin Luther Powell (born April 5, 1937) is an American statesman and a retired four-star general in the United States Army. He was The Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff (1987-1993) and the 65th United States Secretary of State (2001-2005).

As a professional, you’re called upon to make decisions all the time.  And those decisions need to be both quick and correct.  If they’re not, how long do you think others will trust and rely upon you?   Of course being a professional doesn’t just apply to the business world – people are expected to act professionally, reliably, reasonably, fairly, truthfully, openly and honestly in every aspect of life.  That means in your personal life with family and friends, in your community life with other volunteers and committed people, and in your professional life with co-workers and colleagues.  And in order to be at the top of your game, you need to rely on all of your senses and all of the information you can gather, and then use your judgment to use and apply it appropriately.  Think of it this way: if you just look at data, you might miss the human element that accompanies everything in life.  So remember: an expert, or a professional, or even a regular person who possesses more data than judgment, isn’t as good as they need to be to anyone!

Stay Well!

You're a Grand Old Flag

Grand Old Flag You're a Grand Old Flag is a patriotic song and a spirited march written by George M. Cohan as a tribute to the U.S. flag. Our flag certainly is grand, and it’s a symbol of our nation’s grandeur and ideals. Let’s celebrate this week’s holiday with the chorus from this popular 1920’s song: You're a grand old flag; you're a high flying flag, And forever in peace may you wave. You're the emblem of, the land I love, The home of the free and the brave. Ev'ry heart beats true 'neath the Red, White and Blue, Where there's never a boast or brag.  But should auld acquaintance be forgot, Keep your eye on the grand old flag.  Songs help us focus on the important things and people and feelings in our lives, and this one is no exception. That home of the free and the brave line rings especially true this year as the men and women of our armed forces are again serving in faraway lands where the freedom and security we enjoy are not yet available.  And where there’s never a boast or a brag certainly leads us to think about how we should act in a world full of vanity and egos – both of which often do most of us little or no good. And for sure auld acquaintances should never be forgot, because the people we know and care about are treasures to be remembered and cherished always. Independence Day is a time of fun, family, happiness and celebration.  Let the feelings you had and shared on this holiday be the emblems of all that you love every day. Stay Well, and Happy Birthday America!

The Great Mandala

                                               The Great Mandala 

A while back, one of the local churches in Laguna Beach sponsored the visit of a team of Tibetan Monks to make a Sand Mandala. A Sand Mandala is a Tibetan Buddhist tradition involving the creation and destruction of mandalas made from colored sand. A sand mandala is created over a period of time and then ritualistically destroyed once it has been completed; the accompanying ceremonies and viewing symbolize the Buddhist belief in the transitory nature of material life.

Think about it: all around us the world is changing and most of us are trying to find something to hold on to; the media is filled with stories nearly too incredible to believe and those who watch are struggling to make sense out of the noise; and the institutions we’ve been raised to believe in are acting in ways that are beyond belief. The tradition of the Sand Mandala stands as a reminder to refocus on the belief that holding onto things you really don’t need is a bad thing, and that transitions can be a good thing.  And because we’re hard wired to hold on to what we know and have, it takes something like a Sand Mandala to get us to re-think our priorities.

The Sand Mandala we went to see took a group of eight Monks 5 days to painstakingly create, and as soon as they were done they carried it to the shore and cast that beautiful creation into the wind and sea.  I can’t imagine a more powerful way to portray the belief that we should always be ready to give up the material things we collect in order to find the freedom to move forward.  Those monks were thrilled to have the chance to create a beautiful mandala, and they were just as ecstatic to give it to the wind and then have the opportunity to do it all again.  As I write these words I am again moved by the depth of their belief in this simple principle.

How much have you accumulated – physically and psychically, personally and professionally, appropriately and inappropriately, thoughtfully and foolishly?  At the end of the day, there are only a few things, and friends, and keepsakes that any of us really need to hold onto, and all the rest just weighs us down.   Think how much better our lives would be if we were able to adopt this belief, and how much more prepared we’d be to look at the future openly and be ready for what happens each day.  It’s a lofty goal, and while it’s probably impossible to get there fully, just think how much better we’d all be if we at least tried and achieved even a portion of this idea.  Take a moment today to realize what’s really important in your life, and then cast all that’s not really needed into the wind and see how much better you’ll feel and perform.

My message this week is about being ready to create something great when the opportunity presents itself:

“When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all your thoughts break their bonds.”     Patanjali

Patañjali (150 BCE – 70 BCE) is the compiler of the YogaSūtras, an important collection on Yoga practice.

When's the last time you were inspired by some great purpose?  Was it at home, with a loved one, at work, or maybe when you were tinkering with something? Inspirations can come at any time, and when they do it's best to stop and consider them fully.  And don't think that they have to be something that's out of this world - they can be simple improvements to things that could revolutionize what's been done in the past.  They don't have to be fully thought out and formed - most likely you'll have to work on them to figure it all out.  But don't just dismiss something because it hasn't been thought of or done before - if that were the case then nothing new and great would ever get created.  Just remember to not let past thinking limit your new thinking, and when something extraordinary inspires you today, make sure all your thoughts break their bonds.

Stay well!

Growing Like a Weed

Growing Like a Weed

Our little apartment in Brooklyn has a rooftop patio – a definite bonus in this big city.   And last year on that patio we grew tomatoes and herbs. We weren’t so ambitious this year, but out of the soil we used last year now grows a very healthy and large weed.

Now my point is that no matter what we do, and often in spite of what we do, life goes on.  Even when we don’t do anything, or don’t intend to do anything, or forget to do things, or even when we try not to do anything, nature has a way of continuing with its own plans, at its own pace, following its own schedule.  We may think we’re in charge, but the force of nature, the luck of the draw, and the rising and falling of the moon and sun all push things along.  Last winter’s solstice and this week’s summer solstice attest to that.

As I walk along the tree-lined streets and through the wonderful parks here, the changes that occur throughout the year are very apparent.  In the fall and winter, nothing much grows, and that which does, grows slowly.  But in the spring and summer (now) the buds and leaves on the trees, the grass, the gardens, and all the friendships spawned by being out with others grow and are there for all to enjoy.  And for me, here on my patio, all of that is symbolized by this weed that is growing tall, seemingly all by itself.

So what’s this mean in the overall scheme of things?  Simply, that while life continues no matter what we do, we can add to it – if I watered and fed that weed it would be like Jack’s beanstalk.  Now apply this to our lives and what we could do to make who we are and all we have bigger and better: working more closely with others, communicating more effectively, adding our efforts and energies where they’re most needed, being open to the new things that present themselves every day, caring a lot about what others do and letting them know, listening to their needs and issues and responding appropriately, saying please and thank you, being sensitive to all that’s going on around us, and reacting calmly and humbly to it all.

Doing all of these things nurtures the growth of things and people, of feelings and dreams and hopes.  Take a moment today to help yourself and those around you grow like a weed.  Because even though weeds, like people, can and do grow on their own, they can be so much more with the love and support we give.

My message this week is about passion and how to let it help you and others grow:

“Develop a passion for learning. If you do, you will never cease to grow.”

Anthony J. D’Angelo

As the #1 Contributing Author and Editor of The NY Times Bestseller, Chicken Soup For The College Soul, Anthony D’Angelo has been featured in several national media outlets. At the age of twenty five, D’Angelo was hailed by CNN as, "The Personal Development Guru of His Generation".
Passion is really important – to employers, friends, lovers and colleagues.  But it’s not something that you can ask about, as in: “hey, are you passionate?”  Everyone will answer “Yes!”  But it’s not what you say, but rather what you do and how you act.  Most people know and recognize passion when they see it, but it’s hard to explain.  That’s why you need to definitely be in the moment with everything you do, why you need to pay close attention and gesture with your hands and eyes and overall demeanor, why you need to be expressive in your answers and your actions, and why you need to be interested and attentive to all the details.  That’s how passion manifests itself in what you do. Be aware of your energy and your actions today – that’s what will show whether you’re passionate or not.  And once others see that you have it, you’ll never cease to grow!

Stay well!

P.S. The picture above shows how my granddaughter and her garden vegetables are growing.  And I’m really passionate about that!

Father's Day

Father's Day

This weekend is Father’s Day, a time when guys with kids get recognized for who and what they are, and all they’ve done.  It’s also a time when guys reflect back on what they’ve done as fathers.

Many of us lament the fact that we didn’t do more. That kind of shoulda, woulda thinking is only healthy if it leads to a commitment to do more, or try harder, or pay more attention the next time; otherwise it can get kind of depressing. The time when being a father means the most is when our kids are young: when they’re full of wonder at what we know and how we do things.  That wears off too quickly and turns into the years when we know too little, care too much, and try too hard.  Or so it seems.

But the best is when our kids become adults and we get to interact with them more as peers than as parents – maybe because that’s when they start to experience life in the context of maturity, responsibility, and accountability. And seeing what our kids become is fascinating because that’s when we realize they were paying attention, learning right from wrong, and being able to think logically and independently. Maybe all those conflicting feelings we had (between holding on and letting go) turned out not to be worth the bother.  Our kids grew into adulthood just like we did… duh.

My Dad’s been gone more than 20 years, and not a day goes by that I don’t think about him, or wish I could talk to him about something, or wonder what he’d have to say about what’s going on.  I hope I did enough of all those things while I still could, and try not to be regretful that maybe I didn’t.  That’s what I think about on Father’s Day.

And now, on this Father’s Day, as I get to see my daughter become a parent, I know that she’ll now start to realize what I did so many years ago: that parents know a lot, and the more we realize what our parents know and how hard they work at being good at parenting , the more we love and respect them.  It makes me recall a plaque my Dad had that said: Too soon old, Too late smart.  Ain’t that the truth!

So for me, Father’s Day is not about what I get, but what I’ve learned.  It’s not about what I want, but what I have.  Because it’s not about me, it’s about the family that makes me what I am.

So for all you fathers out there, have a great day.  You deserve it!

My message this week is about the saying what you mean and meaning what you say:

“I meant what I said and said what I meant—An elephant’s faithful One hundred percent.”

Theodor Geisel

Theodor Geisel (aka Dr. Seuss) wrote most of his books in anapestic tetrameter, a poetic meter employed by many poets of the English literary canon. This is often suggested as one of the reasons that Geisel's writing was so well-received.

If there’s one thing I know it’s that most people say, that an elephant’s memory never ever goes away; and the things that elephants remember in their heads, are all the things good and things bad that are said.

So think your words carefully before you speak them out loud, because friends who are like elephants will take what you say and remember them clearly on some other day.

And just as important as the words that you speak are the things that you do every day every week, because if your words and your actions are not exactly the same then if someone misinterprets them they’re really not to blame.

So when it comes to your loyalties remember this verse, and make sure that your words and your actions all match; because that’s how others will judge if they’re true, and then they will know the who and the what that is really the real YOU.

And by saying what you mean and meaning what you say, you’ll have loyalties to bank for the next rainy day.

Stay well!

p.s. The pic above is of me and my daughter taken more than 30 years ago.