Remembering a Best Friend

                  Remembering a Best Friend

Willie was a great dog.  I say “was” because we had to put him to sleep this week: he bit someone for the second time, and dogs only get one bite at that kind of apple.

Willie was a Jack Russell terrier: full of life….maybe too full.  They are a rather precocious and assertive breed, and he was the prototypical alpha male dog:

• Had to do things his way: touchy to the point of being spooky, almost like telling us his was the only way. 
• He was smart: so smart that he only would do the things that he chose to do, and he had his way of letting us know just what those things were. 
• He expected small treats for nearly everything, and if you didn’t comply, he’d wait until forever until you did. 
• He was always worried about missing out on something – and every time we’d get ready to go for a walk he had to run back inside to have one more morsel of the food in his dish.
• He always let you know that his job was to clean the dinner plates, and he’d climb into the dishwasher if you forgot to include him in that chore.
• He slept on the pillows rather than on all the doggie beds we bought….to him, those were for, well, dogs. 
• And he surely never thought of himself as a dog - in his mind, he was as human as the rest of us, and he was always reminding us of that….in his own unique language. 

Sometimes he got jumpy when someone would invade his space.  It wasn’t all the time, or with everyone, and we were never able to figure out when he would arbitrarily decide to enforce that inner rule.  That was when his bite got worse than his bark. Over the years he bit us, but I guess we were willing to accept that as we would any other regular family fight.  At those times he’d be contrite, and because of his unquestioned devotion to us we forgave him, even though deep down we were unable to forget.

The first time he bit one of our nieces, we tried to modify his behavior: medicine, muzzles, stern lectures……none of those worked on Willie (and come to think of it, those same kinds of remedies never seem to work on any of the other alpha-type people we know either).  The second time, this past week, we came face to face with the limited choices left open to us: once was maybe okay; but twice was too many.  That’s a rule that applies to so many things in life, for dogs and humans alike.

So we took him to a wise and trusted Vet, and after much discussion we realized what had to be done.  We cried at the choices left open to us, because to us he was, and would always be, the best friend who loved us unconditionally. 

We are stunned at how quickly he left us, and we’re surely going to miss him.   As we drove home in silence we couldn’t help but wonder why these same kinds of rules don’t apply to all the other alpha people in life?  But be that as it may, life, and the memories he left us, will go on.

So instead of a message this week, here are a few quotes to tell you how we feel about losing a cool dog, a close companion, and a real best friend:

“. . . owning a dog always ends with sadness because dogs just don't live as long as people do.” John Grogan, Marley and Me: Life and Love With the World's Worst Dog

and:

“Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.” Roger A. Caras

and:

“When it comes time to die, let us not discover that we have never lived.” Henry David Thoreau

and lastly:

“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.” Dr. Seuss

Thanks for the memories Willie. 

Stay well!

The Fog

                                   The Fog

I awoke this morning to what looked like another fine summer day. There was a mist coming off the lake at dawn as the warm water met air that had cooled after yesterday’s rain. And before I knew it that mist became a thick fog.

As I sat blinking away the sleep, the growing fog seemed to be pulling me backwards into sleep.  And like the momentary confusion that happens when you’re in a stopped car and the one next to you starts moving, this thick and fog had me momentarily disoriented.  I wasn’t sure if I were awake or asleep….or somewhere in between.

Summer can make you feel that way.  Whether it’s seeing things through a mist or fog, or refracted by the shimmering sunlight, there are signs everywhere of the season: the buzzing of the  insects, the wind blowing through the fields of grass, the dancing light on the water, the twinkle of fireflies, a moon shining through the clouds and then through the trees, the lapping of the water on the shoreline, and the smell of things growing in the yards and fields. These mid-summer days are filled with wild flowers blooming where just yesterday there were none, corn and blueberries and fields of hay growing in front of our eyes, and frogs and other night critters announcing their place in the eco-system.  All of these were crystal clear in my mind’s eye as I stared into that fog.

And I realized that all of this sensory awareness was real as well as magnified by all the things I’d experienced in all my summer’s past.  Our lives are like that: what we see and feel today is shaped by all that we’ve seen and felt before.  And as I looked into that fog I could almost see and feel all the people, places and things from all those years gone by.  I blinked a few times and refocused on today’s fog – and knew that past memories are always just below the surface and shaping all of my senses and experiences today.

My message this week is about using all of our knowledge and experience to be what we want to be:

“We choose what attitudes we have right now. And it’s a continuing choice.” John C. Maxwell

Do you have an attitude?  A question like this most often refers to a negative attitude, but it doesn’t have to.  Your attitude is a composite of all that you are, and based all you’ve learned and experienced in your life. You can use all of that to choose the attitude that others will see: positive and upbeat – the kind others like to be around; challenging and contentious – the kind others like to avoid; neutral and passive – the kind others have a hard time understanding; loud and boisterous – the kind that ends up grating on others’ nerves; or kind and understanding – the kind others want more of.  Each of these, and so many others, are all available for choosing – you just have to think what’s best for you, and then focus on showing the attitude you want others to see.  Remember: you get to make that choice every day, so take the opportunity to choose what’s best for making you be seen as the person you really want to be!

Stay Well!

Dead as a Doornail

                                               

                                     Dead as a Doornail

“Dead as a doornail” said the guy at the NAPA store the other day when checking my car’s battery.  And since the car wouldn’t start, I figured he was right.  But even as I nodded my head knowingly, I was wondering: “what’s a doornail”?

Best answer found on the Internet:  A long time ago, especially on farms, doors were made by nailing planks together. Over years of continual slamming and banging shut, the door nails would eventually loosen and fall out. When they hit the ground, instead of "ringing" like a new nail would, they would simply make a "tink" sound, i.e. they were dead. In a sense, the door nail is dead: it has no ring, it has no "life"; similarly a person or thing that is dead as a doornail, is utterly and completely dead -- either literally or figuratively.

We often use phrases like this as if they were full of real-life meaning.  In fact, our lives are filled with lots of these folkloric expressions…. such as: blind as a bad, clean as a whistle, easy as falling off a log, finer than frog hair, guilty as sin (as opposed to good as gold), happy as a lark, light as a feather, mad as a hatter, naked as a jaybird, out like a light, poor as a church mouse, quick as a flash, right as rain, sick as a dog, thick as thieves, and pleased as punch.  These and literally hundreds more like them have been handed down from grandparents to grandchildren and will continue to be used whether we understand what they really mean or not.

And while it’s often comfortable to use phrases like these, we should remember that it’s important to say what we mean and then mean what we say.  Friends, colleagues, customers and casual acquaintances will be much better informed and served by plain and straight-forward speaking.  So strive for clarity in your speech and actions today, and see if that works like a charm.

My message this week is about getting personally involved in the things you do to create and ensure the best results:

“Legacy is not what's left tomorrow when you're gone. It's what you give, create, impact and contribute today while you're here that then happens to live on.” Rasheed Ogunlaru

Life is about living every experience to the fullest.  That means you have to participate fully in everything you do and put your best efforts into making all of those things the best they can be.  Giving, creating, impacting and contributing today while you’re here is the same as “being in the moment”.   That means focusing all your energy and enthusiasm on what you’re doing while you’re doing it, explaining what you’re doing and why it’s important to those it affects or touches, and following up appropriately to get the biggest and best impact. That’s how to create the best legacy, now while you’re still here; do that and you’ll be remembered for that work long after you’re gone. So get involved today in order to create something that will live on long after tomorrow!

Stay well!

Fly Away

                            Fly Away

We flew to the Adirondacks this week to begin our annual summer sojourn in the mountains. And on this longest day of the year I have a few extra daylight hours to reflect on the experience of flying away.

When traveling, one thing is painfully obvious: the airline industry doesn’t help make travel enjoyable.  Airports in general get low marks for service or efficiency: we need reservations and yet ticket counters and security check points don’t seem aware of how many of us might be arriving at any given time.  (An example of the right hand not knowing what the left hand is doing.)  And gate personnel are more interested in giving orders than service: eye contact and smiles were missing. (An example of knowing what and not understanding why.)  And it doesn’t seem to have crossed anyone’s minds that charging for baggage leads to too many carry-ons: I guess the law of unintended consequences is lost on them.  (An example of not understanding customer needs or behavior.)

We live in a mobile world, and yet the folks who most promote and are responsible for that mobility act like they’re doing us a favor.  They act like they don’t have any competition, and the sad truth is that unless we only go where we can drive or take a train, they don’t.  But it doesn’t have to be this way: they could smile and make eye contact, they could be a little self-deprecating and empathetic, and they could actually utilize some of the technology that is so available (and acceptable) in so many other aspects of our lives.  But I guess in order to do any of these kinds of thing, they first have to care….and sadly it appears they don’t.  The moral of this story: always treat others the way you want to be treated!

My message this week is about acting like a business owner when working and providing goods and services for others:

“Our business in life is not to get ahead of others, but to get ahead of ourselves -- to break our own records, to outstrip our yesterday by our today.”  Stewart B Johnson

Ever hear it said: “if you’re not moving forward then you‘re falling behind…”?  Most business owners (and managers who feel like owners) feel that way – so they work extra hard at creating ways to sell or do more while spending the same or less. But after a while, that gets progressively harder because you run out of ideas.  That’s when it’s good to look around for best practices, listen to and learn from others, and fearlessly try new things.  It’s even good to go back and re-look at what you might have done before and could do more of, or what didn’t work quite right and could use a little tweaking.   So act like an owner and go break some of your own records today!

Stay well!

                     It’s Hot 

Ever notice that people  talk about the weather a lot?  Weather reports and the Weather Channel are the most watched parts of the news; but here in Las Vegas it’s pretty much always the same: sunny and warm.

Because the summer is especially hot in the desert, it’s the only time of the year that people here even comment on the weather.  During the rest of the year we never think about sun or clouds, rain and umbrellas, cold and coats, or snow and shovels.  And the absence of weather-related banter takes some getting used to; but since the Weather Channel forecasts and tells all we often commiserate with friends and family back home about……their weather.

Think about all the time you spend talking about the weather…. more than current events, interpersonal relationships, and the economy.  Now think about all the time you could save if you just stopped talking about it….after all, nothing’s going to change it.  But I guess we like to stick to simple things that affect us all, and weather, like traffic, seems to fill that space.  This is another of life’s habits that start simply and easily, and die hard.  

So the next time someone asks “what’s doing”, give them an honest non weather-related answer: how you feel, what’s making you happy or sad, how things are in your world, and whether there’s anything you can do for them.  Those are the kinds of things people really want to know about us; the things that are really going on in our lives besides…….the weather.

My message this week is about what you’re really interested in and committed to:

“There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when it's convenient. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses - only results.”  Ken Blanchard

What are you interested in?  Probably getting to work on time and doing what’s expected, because that’s how and why you get paid.  But what you’re committed to is more important to the people you work for and with, and the customers you serve. The truth is, you’re expected to be at work on time, and to do the things you’re assigned, but that’s not how you or your company win and retain customers and business. In these very competitive times you need to have a can-do attitude, a sense of urgency, a never-quit work ethic, a commitment to excellence, and a smile on your face.  So, if you’re going to participate in something today, be interested AND committed!

Stay Well!

Time Marches On

         
         

                       Time Marches On

I was in Calgary, Alberta last week: that’s far enough north that the sunsets there this time of year don’t happen until nearly 10 pm. And that got me thinking about the lengthening and shortening of the days around each equinox.

While it’s not top of mind, I am vaguely aware that the sun comes up progressively earlier leading up to this month’s equinox because I walk my two crazy dogs every morning.  And because these cycles have occurred every year of my life, I tend to take them for granted.  But then I was forced to note the later sunset times in that northern area and started thinking about how time marches on.

Actually, we take many things that go on around us for granted, and it’s only the occurrence of an abrupt change like this that brings us back to an awareness of our life’s norms. My body is used to the sun setting at around 8pm here now, so it was very noticeable when at 10pm it was still bright in that more northern latitude. And here’s what I started thinking: don’t get so caught up in your habits or the way things always happen that you fail to notice the common everyday changes all around you.

And this then led me to wondering what else we tend to overlook or take for granted because we’re so influenced by our habits. Email and tweets keep us looking at computers and cell phones rather than focusing on those physically around us, and work schedules are religiously adhered to rather than noting what else we might need to do to balance our lives; things like these can inadvertently allow habits to obscure more important things…. like time marching on.

We need to slow down and notice nature’s signs so that we are more attuned to the importance of time and what’s going on around us.  We need to stop and enjoy what’s happening now, and think about the meaning of things rather than letting them continue on unnoticed or under appreciated.  After all, time and its passage really does affect just about everything else in our lives. So make time today to take the time for the really important things in your life.

My message this week is about knowing when and how to do what’s right:

“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.” Eleanor Roosevelt

How’s your life treating you? If it’s not all that you want, that may be a case of what you get is what you accept.  In truth, the lives of those we admire are that way because they actively go out and make them so.  Those people live their lives to the fullest: they know what they want, they make plans to achieve their goals, they adjust along the way as needed, and they fight to keep them that way. They are fearless in their approach to getting what they want, and that usually results in rich experiences and rewards.  So if your life or job isn’t exactly what you want, make a plan to change it.  The best lives and jobs are the ones we have: the challenge is to make them the ones we want!

Stay well!

Neither Here nor There

                       Neither Here nor There

It’s interesting being back in Las Vegas after nearly 30 months in New York City.  Not that one is better than the other; it’s more just a comparison of here versus there.

·         There I walked to the neighborhood market to carry what I needed each day, and not much accumulated at home.  Here I take the car to a market nearly the same distance away and drive all that I get home in the car. 

·         There – if I didn’t walk I took the subway, and seeing so many others along the way was a way of connecting with the world.  Here I take the car, most often alone, and connect mostly with my own solitary thoughts along the way.

·         There the weather was always to be considered: hot or cold, rain or shine; which coat or umbrella did I need.  Here the warm and sunny days are a constant and the few coats I have are rarely used.

·         There we were far from friends and family, and seeing them required a plan.  Here, family is near and seen nearly every day.

·         There: museums with great art. Here: red rocks and petroglyph art.

·         There: lots of great restaurants and a city that never sleeps. Here, lots of great restaurants and a city that never sleeps.

Which is better?  Actually they’re both good, but in different ways.  And therein is one of life’s essential lessons: make the most of where you are. Be in the moment, and don’t waste time worrying about what you don’t have so much that you miss the opportunity to enjoy what’s in front of you.  It doesn’t matter where you are as long as you have the right perspective and outlook.  Happiness is neither here nor there – it’s where you are!

My message this week is about making the most of where you are and what you’re doing:

“They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.” Andy Warhol

Has time every changed anything for you? The pain of disappointment or loss diminishes with time, but only if you focus on and do other things to re-motivate and excite you. The thrill of winning at something diminishes with time too, but it’s certainly helped by the excitement of new challenges and opportunities. And the ache of loneliness seems to only recede by joining with others to share your thoughts and dreams. But in general, time is only one factor in the changes we experience over time – and it is always aided by newer thoughts and interests that share in its space.  If you want to change what you’re doing and replace it with something better, more creative, or clearly innovative, start today by changing your outlook: look at others, study best practices and thoughts, and commit to addressing and solving the challenges you face.  If you want things to change you actually have to change them yourself...one step and detail at a time.

Stay well!